Back to Work Success!

So it's Wednesday evening. I picked Sophia up from daycare at 4 o'clock, right after work. She goes to an in-home daycare, where the sweet lady takes care of her plus four or five other pre-school children. I planned everything out in the weeks before Sophia was born, made sure to choose someone who was licensed and all that good stuff.

It helps so much that I'm confident with my choice of daycare provider. It felt even better on Monday when Ms. S. told me that Sophia is the 'perfect baby'! I don't know if she's just being kind, but as her mother I'm inclined to believe how good and pretty she is! She took her bottles easily (I think it helps that I've been pumping breast milk.) She's been her usual content, smiley self at home too, so I know things are going well.

I'm pleased and surprised at how good I feel about everything. I enjoyed work today. Our class had a field trip to Trader Joes, where they gave us a little tour of the front and back of the store. Then we went to the pet shop to research which animal would make the best class pet. The boys all go for the fish, reptiles and other cold-blooded creatures, of course! There have been many days when I felt that I worked hard for my money. On this warm, golden November day I couldn't believe I was getting paid to do something I love!

The kids I work with have many labels for their conditions and behaviors; ED/BD (Emotional/Behavioral disorders) ADHD, Autism, etc. but in the end, kids are kids. Each one of them has their own unique personality with lots of heart and humor. There are days when I wonder if what I'm doing makes a difference because the changes are often too slow to be noticeable. Then there are days like today when I go home with my heart full of hope for their future.

Sophia ate just before leaving daycare and now she's sleeping on the boppy beside me, perfectly comfy. Perhaps not every day will be as easy but today I love my job, I know thay my daughter is doing well, and I feel sure that I made the right decision to go back to work.

Leaving Sophia ...

Sophia and I went down to the school where I work yesterday. I wanted to introduce her to my co-workers and just be there for a little while to prepare myself for Monday. The school serves children with special needs. The kids in the wing that I work in have a variety of emotional and behavioral disorders. It’s not always an easy job but the people there work hard to provide a caring, supportive environment for them.

The visit went smoothly for the most part. We were there for two hours. I must have been really worn out by the time I got home because I started feeling so overwhelmed looking around at the unmade bed, the pile of unfolded laundry, the plates and cups waiting to go upstairs ... the general ‘foolishness’ as Niecy Nash would say, of my living space. The textbooks lying open on the coffee table reminded me of unfinished homework and I still have so many things to get ready for Sophia’s first day at daycare!

Well, an emotional storm started brewing right there. Clouds were gathering and getting more ominous as the evening progressed! It all came to a head over dinner when J. announced that he would be working Monday instead of taking care of Sophia as we’d planned … as I’d planned so carefully in advance with my babysitter.

I should be ready for the unknown quantity by now. It surfaces often our relationship. I think it happens because we’re both busy with our own agendas and we don’t always carve out the time to communicate. I’ve become better at telling him what I need and asking for help but I get frustrated always having to ask for what seems obvious to me. Sometimes it seems like too much hard work. J. on the other hand, often thinks he's communicated things with me which have never left his head … He thinks I understand him so well that I can read his mind!

That evening, unable to bottle up my emotions any longer, I went to bed to have a good weep. As I lay crying J. came to lay next to me and asked me what was wrong. “I’m just so sah …ah… ahd to leave my baby!” I wailed. He just held me while I sobbed and knew that it would all feel better in the morning.