It was tougher at work today. Since I've been on maternity leave for the last three months, it's well into the school year and I haven't had a chance to bond with the kids in my class. A couple of them are testing my boundaries to see how much I'll put up with. Am I as patient as I seem? Will I break down and start yelling at them? They are working to figure me out as though I'm a particularly tough math problem or intriguing science experiment!
One of them refused to do their guided reading with me today, upset that the teacher's attention was on another student. It happens, I try not to take it too personally, even when I get called "an ugly white woman"! I'm in a new class this year. Obviously, each teacher has their own style of classroom management. It's my job as a teacher assistant to adapt, to remain consistent with the teacher while remaining true to my own nature. I'm still a little nervous and edgy because I want to fit in and do a good job.
As I drive home I review the day in my mind. Someone I once trusted and held in high esteem told me that I would never be successful professionally. Those words have haunted me since I made the decision to change careers. I struggle with my inner fears that I'm not cut out for this job, that I'm not going to connect with the students or get along well with my colleagues.
My pride is a little shaken and my confidence dented. I drive down Olive Boulevard to pick up Sophia. I'm looking forward to seeing my baby. It makes me feel better to imagine the comfort of holding her warm little body in my arms ...
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